Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She told me I should be a condom model.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
