Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
