Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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