I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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