i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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