I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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