why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
