I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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