I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
