i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
