you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
tell your sister to shave her snatch
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
