dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
