then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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