the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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