i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
