there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
