Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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