do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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