just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
