high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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