I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
