Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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