Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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