About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
