It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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