Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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