sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
