just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
