I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
