tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
