the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
