Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
