went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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