3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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