I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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