Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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