So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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