worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
