I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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