Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
