i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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