He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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