the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
