I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
