i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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