Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So much rum. So many feels.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
