I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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