So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
