Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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