I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm at about main and main street
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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