there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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