What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
