Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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