I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
