Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
